What The Cryptid? — Witness File WITNESS INTERVIEW — FILE #0513 INTERNAL — NOT FOR RELEASE Location: Wallace & Wallace Funeral Home, 14 Cinder Road, Harlan’s Creek, WV Witness: Dorothy Wallace, 71 — Office Manager, Wallace & Wallace (Funeral Services), Harlan’s Creek, WV Interviewer: Mara Vane DCA Case Reference: DCA-HC-2026-0513 [Interview conducted on-site at Wallace & Wallace. Wallace seated at her desk. Coffee present. No visible distress. Interviewer’s recorder placed on a stack of files labeled JUNE INVOICES. Wallace did not comment on the recorder.] INTERVIEWER: Mrs. Wallace, thank you for making time. I know Friday afternoons are — WITNESS: We had a pickup this morning but nothing until Tuesday. Friday afternoons are fine. INTERVIEWER: Understood. For the record: this is your twelfth filed incident report with the Department of Cryptid Affairs. DCA confidence rating on your file is currently listed as high. WITNESS: That’s nice. INTERVIEWER: The incident you reported occurred on the morning of July ninth. Can you walk me through it in your own words? WITNESS: I came in at seven-fifteen. I always come in at seven-fifteen on Wednesdays. I went to make coffee, and I noticed the arrangement room door was open. That door is always closed when we aren’t using it. I assumed Raymond left it open the night before, which would be unlike him, but people have off days. [DCA NOTE: Raymond Wallace, 74, co-owner. Not present for interview. DCA has no active file on Raymond Wallace.] WITNESS: I went to close it. And that’s when I saw it was in there. INTERVIEWER: Can...