What The Cryptid? — Witness File
WITNESS INTERVIEW — FILE #0513
INTERNAL — NOT FOR RELEASE
Location: Wallace & Wallace Funeral Home, 14 Cinder Road, Harlan’s Creek, WV
Witness: Dorothy Wallace, 71 — Office Manager, Wallace & Wallace (Funeral Services), Harlan’s Creek, WV
Interviewer: Mara Vane
DCA Case Reference: DCA-HC-2026-0513
Witness: Dorothy Wallace, 71 — Office Manager, Wallace & Wallace (Funeral Services), Harlan’s Creek, WV
Interviewer: Mara Vane
DCA Case Reference: DCA-HC-2026-0513
[Interview conducted on-site at Wallace & Wallace. Wallace seated at her desk. Coffee present. No visible distress. Interviewer’s recorder placed on a stack of files labeled JUNE INVOICES. Wallace did not comment on the recorder.]
INTERVIEWER: Mrs. Wallace, thank you for making time. I know Friday afternoons are —
WITNESS: We had a pickup this morning but nothing until Tuesday. Friday afternoons are fine.
INTERVIEWER: Understood. For the record: this is your twelfth filed incident report with the Department of Cryptid Affairs. DCA confidence rating on your file is currently listed as high.
WITNESS: That’s nice.
INTERVIEWER: The incident you reported occurred on the morning of July ninth. Can you walk me through it in your own words?
WITNESS: I came in at seven-fifteen. I always come in at seven-fifteen on Wednesdays. I went to make coffee, and I noticed the arrangement room door was open. That door is always closed when we aren’t using it. I assumed Raymond left it open the night before, which would be unlike him, but people have off days.
[DCA NOTE: Raymond Wallace, 74, co-owner. Not present for interview. DCA has no active file on Raymond Wallace.]
WITNESS: I went to close it. And that’s when I saw it was in there.
INTERVIEWER: Can you describe what you observed?
WITNESS: It was seated in one of the guest chairs we keep for family consultations. The blue upholstered ones on the left side of the room. Not the good chairs. The ones we keep meaning to replace.
INTERVIEWER: Seated.
WITNESS: Yes. Upright. Proper posture, actually. Better than most of our clients’ families, if I’m honest.
[DCA NOTE: This is the third DCA report in the Harlan’s Creek region to include an unprompted remark about posture. Cross-reference: DCA-HC-2024-0391, DCA-HC-2025-0447.]
INTERVIEWER: And can you describe the — the entity itself?
WITNESS: Tall. Difficult to say exactly, because it was seated, but tall. Thin. Grayish. Not gray like sick, gray like — I don’t know. Like old wood that’s been out in weather. It had very long fingers. It had them folded in its lap.
INTERVIEWER: Folded.
WITNESS: Neatly. The way you’d fold your hands if someone had told you to sit quietly and wait.
[Pause, 7 seconds.]
INTERVIEWER: Did it acknowledge your presence?
WITNESS: It turned its head when I came to the doorway. Slowly. The way you’d look up if you heard something you were expecting.
INTERVIEWER: And then?
WITNESS: And then it looked back at the other chair. The empty one. The one across from it.
INTERVIEWER: The consultation chair.
WITNESS: Yes. The chair where we usually sit when we’re going over arrangements with families.
[DCA NOTE: The arrangement room layout positions the two guest chairs opposite a single staff chair across a small table. The entity was seated in the client-side position.]
INTERVIEWER: Mrs. Wallace, in your assessment — what was it doing?
WITNESS: Waiting for a consultation, I would think.
[Pause, 11 seconds.]
INTERVIEWER: What did you do?
WITNESS: I told it we weren’t open yet and that it would need to come back after eight. Then I went and finished making my coffee.
INTERVIEWER: You — told it.
WITNESS: I wasn’t going to be rude. It was sitting very patiently.
INTERVIEWER: And when you returned after eight?
WITNESS: It was gone. The chair had been pushed back in. Tucked under the table, which we don’t usually bother to do. We just leave them at angles.
[DCA NOTE: No physical evidence collected. Wallace did not contact DCA until July 14th. When asked about the delay, she stated she wanted to see if it came back before she filed paperwork. It did not come back.]
INTERVIEWER: Do you have any sense of what it may have wanted a consultation about?
WITNESS: I’ve been in this business for thirty-four years. In my experience, most people who come in here want the same things. They want someone to handle something difficult for them, and they want to feel like it’s going to be done properly. I don’t see why that would be different.
INTERVIEWER: Did you feel — were you at any point concerned for your safety?
WITNESS: No. It was well-behaved. And we have a sign on the door. Hours are clearly posted.
INTERVIEWER: One last question, Mrs. Wallace. In your eleven previous reports, you’ve described several incidents here at Wallace & Wallace that you’ve declined to elaborate on for the record. I want to ask directly — is this incident connected, in your view, to any of those prior events?
WITNESS: I think this building has a reputation. Word gets around.
[Witness refills her coffee. Does not offer any to interviewer.]
INTERVIEWER: Thank you, Mrs. Wallace. That’s everything I need for today.
WITNESS: You know where to find me.
[DCA NOTE: Reviewing analyst flag: This is the first Harlan’s Creek report to suggest an entity actively seeking services from a human establishment rather than trespassing, appearing, or causing property inconvenience. Classification review pending. Do not circulate.]
CASE STATUS: Active — Classification Review Pending
DCA SUMMARY: Witness observed unidentified entity seated in consultation chair at Wallace & Wallace funeral home, apparently waiting for a pre-opening appointment; entity departed without incident after being informed of business hours.
DISPOSITION: PENDING CONFIRMATION
DCA SUMMARY: Witness observed unidentified entity seated in consultation chair at Wallace & Wallace funeral home, apparently waiting for a pre-opening appointment; entity departed without incident after being informed of business hours.
DISPOSITION: PENDING CONFIRMATION
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