Twenty-two residents have now confirmed the presence of winged, antlered rabbit-creatures on the Courthouse Avenue median strip. Property values are up. Animal Control has been asked to do nothing. A case number has been assigned. It begins with the letter Q.

HARLAN’S CREEK, WEST VIRGINIA — FRIDAY. By Tuesday morning, the median strip on Courthouse Avenue had seventeen of them. By Thursday it had at least twenty-four. They have antlers. They have wings. They are roughly the size of a large rabbit, which is the only part of their description that falls within Animal Control’s current operational framework.

Officer Beverly Marsh, who has served Harlan’s Creek Animal Control for eleven years and who has previously handled a displaced river otter, a small bear who had located a bakery, and what she describes only as ‘the duck situation of 2019,’ confirmed Friday morning that she has located no relevant protocol for the Bavarian folkloric creature now occupying the centre of one of the town’s primary commercial corridors. She has requested updated DCA guidance. She has received an automated response acknowledging her request and assigning it a case number. The case number begins with the letter Q. She has not received further correspondence.

Community Notice

As of Friday morning, the colony had not displayed aggressive behaviour. One individual has maintained a fixed orientation toward the Harlan’s Creek Dry Cleaners for forty-eight consecutive hours. The dry cleaner’s has not commented.

— Officer Beverly Marsh, Harlan’s Creek Animal Control

The Chamber Has Concerns, Primarily About The Eleven Percent

A representative from the Harlan’s Creek Chamber of Commerce confirmed Friday that residential and commercial property assessments along the 200 and 300 blocks of Courthouse Avenue have increased by eleven percent since the wolpertingers established their median colony approximately nine days ago. The representative, who asked not to be named but who called this station, described the creatures as ‘whimsical’ and ‘frankly good for foot traffic.’ When asked whether ‘whimsical’ was an operational category recognised by the DCA, the representative said that was a great question and that they would follow up. They have not followed up.

Arthur Pritchard, speaking on behalf of the Department of Cryptid Affairs, confirmed Friday that wolpertingers are classified under the DCA’s Tier 2 Folkloric Fauna guidelines, which cover creatures ‘originating in documented regional myth cycles with confirmed contemporary physical manifestation.’ He confirmed that Tier 2 guidelines include provisions for voluntary relocation, habitat assessment, and inter-agency consultation. He confirmed that none of these processes had yet been initiated. He described this as ‘a matter of scheduling’ and said the department was ‘actively prioritising the file.’ When asked how a file receives active prioritisation, he said he would look into the best way to explain that and provide a response by end of week. This was said on a Friday afternoon.

Precedent, Such As It Is

Professor Leonard Finch, who holds the Engel Chair in Folkloric Zoology at the University of Augsburg and who asked that his department not be identified by name in this report, noted by telephone that wolpertinger colonisation of civic infrastructure is not without historical precedent, citing a documented 1612 incident in which a colony occupied the market square in Berchtesgaden for eleven months before relocating voluntarily to an adjacent woodline. He noted that the Berchtesgaden incident also correlated with an increase in local commerce. He noted that it also correlated with three unexplained frost events and a municipal dispute that took four years to resolve. He said he was not drawing conclusions, only providing context. He said he would send the relevant citations. The citations arrived within the hour. One of them was to a source that does not appear to exist. When reached again for clarification, he said he would look into it.

Officer Marsh said Friday afternoon that she would continue to monitor the situation and had no current plans to initiate removal proceedings, a position she described as consistent with both the absence of a protocol and a direct request from the Chamber of Commerce that she, in her words, ‘see how this plays out.’ She said she had personally counted twenty-two individual animals that morning. She said three of them had moved closer to the sidewalk overnight. She said she was not characterising this as escalation. She said she was simply noting the direction of movement and that it was, in fact, toward the buildings.

The wolpertingers were in the same position Friday evening as they had been Friday morning. One resident, passing the median on his way to the Moonlight Diner, reported that several of the creatures turned to watch him cross the street. He described their expressions as ‘evaluating.’ He said he tipped a dollar more than usual at dinner and wasn’t sure if that was related. The median strip has since been added to the Harlan’s Creek Chamber of Commerce self-guided walking tour under the heading ‘Local Character.’ Officer Marsh was not consulted on this decision. She found out when the brochure was printed.