The winged terror of the Pine Barrens has traded midnight screaming for mise en place, and honestly? His knife skills are terrifying in a completely new way.

HAMMONTOWN, N.J. — In what local cryptid watchers are calling ‘a genuine glow-up,’ the Jersey Devil — the legendary hooved, bat-winged, horse-headed harbinger of doom that has haunted the New Jersey Pine Barrens for over two centuries — has enrolled in the Culinary Arts certificate program at Burlington County Community College, where he is currently completing his second semester with a 3.7 GPA and a growing obsession with sustainable sourcing. Seven witnesses confirmed his enrollment, several of whom initially called 911 before realizing he was just trying to find the financial aid office.

The creature, who asked to be referred to simply as ‘J.D.’ in this article, sat down with WTC News in a clearing on the eastern edge of the Barrens, surrounded by wild blueberry brambles, foraged chanterelle mushrooms, and a surprisingly well-organized set of Global chef’s knives. He was wearing a custom apron — hooves make traditional apron strings a challenge, apparently — that read ‘LOCAL. SEASONAL. SCREAMING.’ He seemed relaxed, focused, and only briefly unfurled his wings when a squirrel startled him.

Community Notice

I have been foraging these woods since 1735. Do you know how hard it is to watch some 28-year-old with a weekend farmer’s market haul get a Michelin star for ‘wild ingredients’? I invented wild ingredients. This is my biome.

— J.D., Jersey Devil and Culinary Arts Student, Burlington County Community College

From Terror of the Pines to Terror of the Kitchen

According to Chef Instructor Donna Marek, who has been teaching Introduction to Garde Manger at BCCC for eleven years, J.D. is, quote, ‘one of the most naturally gifted students I’ve ever had, if we set aside the incident with the walk-in refrigerator door.’ Marek notes that his palate is extraordinary, his understanding of local terroir is unmatched, and his ability to identify edible fungi by scent alone has saved the class from at least two potentially catastrophic foraging errors. His primary struggle, she says, is plating — ‘the talons add a flair that isn’t always intentional’ — but his flavors are, in her words, ‘genuinely transcendent.’

J.D.’s long-term vision is a farm-to-table restaurant he’s tentatively calling ‘Leeds’ — a nod to the family name attached to his rather dramatic origin story — situated either on the edge of the Barrens or, he mentioned hopefully, in a renovated barn in Medford if the zoning board will ‘just hear him out this one time.’ The concept is hyper-local: every ingredient within a 30-mile radius, foraged or sourced from small New Jersey farms, with a menu that changes not just seasonally but, in his words, ‘whenever the land decides.’ He also mentioned a seven-course tasting menu involving cedar-smoked venison, wild blueberry reduction, and a sassafras tea amuse-bouche that he made me try on the spot. I have been thinking about it every day since.

He brought in a ramp-and-wild-garlic compound butter for critique day and I nearly wept. Whatever he is, that man can cook. We are not asking questions.

— Donna Marek, Chef Instructor, Burlington County Community College Culinary Arts Program

The Pine Barrens native says the sustainable dining movement feels, to him, less like a trend and more like a vindication. ‘I have been screaming — literally screaming, in the sky, terrifying livestock — about the importance of eating locally and respecting this ecosystem for centuries,’ he told me, gesturing broadly at several hundred acres of pitch pine and Atlantic white cedar. ‘Now suddenly everyone cares. Great. Wonderful. I just want my restaurant.’ When I asked if he was worried about the health inspection process, he paused for a long moment, stared into the middle distance, and said, ‘I am choosing to believe that will work itself out.’ WTC News will continue to monitor the situation, and will absolutely be first in line for a reservation at Leeds. Threat level: Low. Excitement level: Extremely high.