Internal documents and 14 hours of security footage reveal ranch employees have been bribing interdimensional phenomena with Milk-Bones and laser pointers to juice visitor satisfaction scores

SKINWALKER RANCH, UT — WTC News has obtained exclusive security footage from inside Utah’s most infamous paranormal hotspot showing at least six ranch employees deliberately provoking, coaxing, and — there is no softer word for this — bribing documented supernatural anomalies with pet treats, laser pointer devices, and what our forensic audio team has confirmed is baby talk. The footage, spanning a 90-day window between March and June of this year, appears to show a systematic, staff-wide effort to manufacture extraordinary paranormal events in direct correlation with scheduled visitor tours and quarterly performance review cycles.

WTC News received the footage from a source inside the ranch’s security contractor who asked to be identified only as ‘Dave, and I need everyone to know I did not participate in the laser pointer stuff.’ Alongside the footage, Dave provided 47 pages of internal communications — including a staff memo titled ‘Q2 Anomaly Engagement Best Practices’ and a shared spreadsheet labeled ‘Spooky KPIs’ — that together paint a picture of a workplace culture in which the supernatural has been fully absorbed into a performance management framework. The orbs, it turns out, have a shift schedule.

Community Notice

The Footage: A Summary No One Asked For But Everyone Needed

In the most striking sequence, recorded on April 14th at approximately 2:17 a.m., a staff member identified in internal records as ‘T. Brackwell, Anomaly Relations Specialist’ can be seen standing near the ranch’s infamous Mesa area shaking what multiple sources have confirmed is a container of Beggin’ Strips while making a clicking sound with his tongue. Within four minutes, two luminescent orbs of unknown origin appear on camera. Brackwell then consults what appears to be a clipboard, makes a checkmark, and gives a double thumbs-up to a security camera. The orbs drift eastward. Brackwell follows them, still shaking the treats.

Look, the anomalies were already there. We didn’t invent them. We just figured out they respond better when you come with an attitude of generosity. Also the laser pointer was HR’s idea, not mine.

— T. Brackwell, Anomaly Relations Specialist, Skinwalker Ranch (statement provided via legal counsel)

The internal ‘Spooky KPIs’ spreadsheet, which WTC News has reviewed in full and will absolutely be framing for the office, tracks metrics including ‘Orb Appearances Per Visitor Hour,’ ‘Portal Adjacent Events (Confirmed vs. Suspected),’ ‘Guest Scream Frequency,’ and a column simply labeled ‘Vibe Score’ with a scale of one to ten. Cross-referencing the spreadsheet with the security footage timeline shows a statistically significant spike in paranormal activity on days when staff were actively deploying what the memo calls ‘engagement tools’ — a category that includes the laser pointers, the treats, a Spotify playlist titled ‘Ambiance for Entities,’ and, in one outlier entry, an entire rotisserie chicken.

The Performance Review Connection: It Gets Weirder

Perhaps the most damning element of the documents is a performance review template, apparently used during the June cycle, that includes a dedicated section titled ‘Anomaly Contribution Score’ worth 25% of each employee’s overall rating. The rubric awards points for ‘proactively facilitating paranormal engagement,’ ‘demonstrating initiative in entity interaction,’ and — in a line that our editor made me read three times before she believed me — ‘maintaining treat inventory at or above minimum threshold.’ At least two employees received merit bonuses this quarter. One of them is T. Brackwell. His review notes describe him as ‘a genuine team player with a gift for coaxing reluctant phenomena.’

I’ve been investigating paranormal labor practices for eleven years and I have never — never — seen a W-2 situation intersect with a dimensional rift situation like this. This is new. This is genuinely, disturbingly new.

— Dr. Clementine Ozu, Paranormal Workplace Anthropologist, University of Nevada Reno (Adjunct)

Ranch management, as noted in the Fast Facts section because they refused to give us anything quotable, has not issued a formal statement. A representative did call WTC News headquarters on Thursday and, after a long pause, asked if we had ‘considered the possibility that the employees were simply very enthusiastic about their jobs.’ We have considered it. We have also considered the spreadsheet, the memo, the footage, the treats, the chicken, and Big Earl. We feel our conclusion is sound. This investigation is ongoing, and WTC News will continue to report as new documents emerge — or as additional anomalies file for collective bargaining rights, which, based on current trajectory, feels like a matter of when, not if.