Wilderness specialist Tom Rodriguez shares his top 10 must-have items after ‘way too many close calls with surprisingly large aquatic entities’
When wilderness survival expert Tom Rodriguez started getting calls about “unusual lake encounters” three years ago, he thought hikers were just being dramatic about particularly aggressive fish. Then he started investigating the reports himself. After what he describes as “seventeen documented aquatic cryptid interactions and one genuinely apologetic Ogopogo,” Rodriguez has compiled the definitive gear list for backcountry hikers venturing into confirmed lake monster territory.
“Look, I’ve been doing wilderness survival for twenty-three years,” Rodriguez explained during our interview at his Missoula outdoor gear shop. “But none of my training covered what to do when a forty-foot serpentine creature surfaces next to your canoe and seems genuinely curious about your lunch. These encounters are happening more frequently, and hikers need to be prepared.”
The Essential Ten: Rodriguez’s Lake Monster Survival Kit
Rodriguez emphasizes that this gear list isn’t about hunting or harming cryptids. “These are intelligent creatures with established territories,” he notes. “This equipment is about respectful coexistence and getting home safely when things get weird.”
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1. Military-Grade Waterproof Flashlight (Minimum 3000 Lumens)
“Aquatic cryptids are naturally photosensitive,” Rodriguez explains. “A powerful light source gives you negotiating power and usually encourages them to maintain a respectful distance. Plus, witnesses consistently report that lake monsters appear more polite when properly illuminated. I recommend keeping it on a lanyard – you don’t want to drop it when a Cadborosaurus surfaces asking about your hiking route.”
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2. Emergency Marine Flares (Pack of Six)
Rodriguez discovered flares work exceptionally well for establishing boundaries during cryptid encounters. “Flares create a clear visual barrier that most lake creatures interpret as ‘please maintain current distance,'” he says. “They’re also useful for signaling rescue teams, though explaining why you need rescue from the middle of a lake gets complicated quickly.”
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3. High-Quality Dry Bag (Minimum 40L Capacity)
“When a lake monster decides to investigate your campsite, everything gets wet,” Rodriguez warns. “And I mean everything. These creatures generate significant splash zones, and some species seem to enjoy testing human waterproofing systems. Keep your electronics, food, and emergency supplies in military-grade dry storage.”
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4. Portable Air Horn
Not for scaring cryptids away, Rodriguez clarifies, but for getting their attention respectfully. “Lake monsters have excellent hearing but sometimes get absorbed in their own activities. A polite air horn blast usually prompts them to acknowledge your presence rather than accidentally capsizing your boat while investigating underwater vegetation.”
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5. Emergency Food Rations (High-Protein, Fish-Free)
“Never, and I cannot stress this enough, never bring fish-based meals into confirmed lake monster habitat,” Rodriguez emphasizes. “Aquatic cryptids have strong opinions about fishing ethics, and most consider prepared fish products deeply insulting. Stick to vegetarian options or beef jerky. Several witnesses report that lake monsters actively approve of trail mix.”
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6. 100-Foot Marine Rope with Carabiners
Rodriguez recommends heavy-duty rope for multiple scenarios. “Sometimes you need to secure your campsite when curious creatures start investigating your gear. Sometimes you need emergency anchor points when something large swims under your boat. And occasionally, you need to help extract other hikers who got too enthusiastic about cryptid photography and ended up in the water.”
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7. Waterproof Emergency Radio
“Cell service disappears completely in most lake monster habitats,” Rodriguez notes. “These creatures seem to interfere with electronic signals, possibly unintentionally. A good emergency radio lets you contact park services, though explaining your situation gets interesting. I recommend practicing phrases like ‘large unidentified aquatic animal’ instead of ‘lake monster’ – rangers respond more professionally.”
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8. Mirror or Reflective Signal Panel
Rodriguez discovered that reflective surfaces help establish peaceful contact. “Lake monsters are incredibly curious about their own reflection,” he explains. “A mirror can redirect their attention away from you and toward something they find genuinely fascinating. It’s like giving them entertainment while you relocate to a safer distance.”
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9. Emergency Whistle (Pealess Design)
“Whistles work better than shouting for attracting human help,” Rodriguez says, “but they also serve another purpose. Most aquatic cryptids interpret whistle patterns as communication attempts. Three short blasts usually conveys ‘I acknowledge your presence but prefer to maintain distance,’ which most lake monsters respect.”
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10. Backup Headlamp with Red Filter
Rodriguez emphasizes the importance of redundant lighting with specific color options. “Red light preserves your night vision while appearing less threatening to cryptids. If your primary light fails – and it will fail, probably at the worst possible moment – red lighting allows you to navigate safely without startling creatures that might otherwise react defensively to bright white light.”
These are intelligent creatures with established territories. This equipment is about respectful coexistence and getting home safely when things get weird.
— Tom Rodriguez, Wilderness Survival Expert
Beyond the Gear: Rodriguez’s Additional Survival Tips
Rodriguez stresses that equipment is only part of successful lake monster encounter survival. “The most important thing is attitude,” he explains. “These creatures are usually just curious. Stay calm, be respectful, and remember that you’re visiting their home. Most negative encounters happen when hikers panic or act aggressively.”
ENCOUNTER PROTOCOL
• Remain calm and avoid sudden movements
• Maintain eye contact but don’t stare aggressively
• Speak in calm, normal tones (they respond well to conversation)
• Never attempt to touch or photograph without permission
• Always announce your presence when approaching water
• Respect established creature territories and feeding areas
He also recommends researching specific lake monster personalities before hiking. “Every aquatic cryptid has different preferences and comfort levels with humans,” Rodriguez notes. “Ogopogo tends to be social but territorial. Champ is reportedly very polite but easily startled. Tahoe Tessie apparently enjoys small talk but gets defensive about photography. Do your homework.”
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FIELD ALERT
Rodriguez reports that lake monster activity increases significantly during full moon phases and immediately before weather changes. Plan accordingly and consider avoiding confirmed habitats during these peak activity periods unless you’re prepared for extended encounters.
Rodriguez’s survival course, “Respectful Coexistence with Large Aquatic Entities,” now runs monthly and consistently sells out. “People are finally taking these encounters seriously,” he says. “The wilderness is changing, and we need to change with it. These creatures have been here longer than we have – learning to share space safely benefits everyone.”
The most important thing is attitude. These creatures are usually just curious. Stay calm, be respectful, and remember that you’re visiting their home.
— Tom Rodriguez
For hikers planning trips into documented lake monster territory, Rodriguez recommends starting with day trips to lower-activity locations and gradually building experience. “Like any wilderness skill, cryptid encounter management takes practice,” he explains. “But with proper preparation and the right attitude, these can actually be the most memorable outdoor experiences of your life – in the best possible way.”
pennyhart@whatthecryptid.com Penny Hart · Features Writer & Community Content Specialist — WTCNN
