Found three abandoned laptops about two k’s into the treeline behind the Gympie internet café, all still running, batteries showing fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen percent respectively, all logged into the same LinkedIn profile. Biscuit wouldn’t go near them.
Profile says he’s been in child psychology for two centuries. Location listed as various wooded areas worldwide. Timeline checks out based on the sightings data. The account has accumulated over 3,000 connections, primarily from elementary schools, summer camps, and youth organisations across multiple continents.
— WE TAKE PROFESSIONAL ACCURACY VERY SERIOUSLY. CLAIMS OF TWO CENTURIES OF EXPERIENCE IN ANY FIELD REQUIRE DOCUMENTATION THAT MEETS OUR VERIFICATION STANDARDS. — SARAH MITCHELL, LINKEDIN TRUST & SAFETY
Employment history goes back to 1823. Seventeen schools listed. Twelve closed within six months of hiring him. That’s probably not unrelated. He’s still getting endorsements from some of them.
Skills section shows eight hundred endorsements for child psychology and woodland navigation. Half the accounts endorsing him haven’t logged in since their last post. That’s not necessarily suspicious. Recommendations are all four words. ‘Outstanding work with children.’ Content moderation flagged them as cryptic.
PROFILE HIGHLIGHTS
• Three thousand connections, most of them schools. Eight hundred people willing to vouch for his work with kids. Profile’s been viewed from GPS coordinates that resolve to unmonitored state forest about forty k’s past where the logging roads officially end.
Mara ran the profile data. Said the posting schedule matched nocturnal movement patterns she’d documented in similar cases.
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FIELD ALERT
Tracked down three users who’d received requests. All reported hearing movement in the treeline at the time of connection.
Acting Deputy Director Sarah Chen, Department of Cryptid Affairs, Division of Digital Anomalies, says they’re monitoring the situation. Can’t comment on specific cases involving missing references. Standard response.
Field note: if your laptop starts sending connection requests while you’re camping, probably best to turn off the WiFi hotspot and move to a site with better visibility lines.
daryldazmckenna@whatthecryptid.com Daryl “Daz” McKenna · Cryptid Tracker & Wilderness Specialist — WTC
