Harlan’s Creek Middle School has formally notified the district office of an entity with strong opinions about snack hierarchy. Flamin’ Hot Cheetos were ranked first. Authorities have not commented on what this means.

HARLAN’S CREEK, WV — Harlan’s Creek Middle School administration confirmed Thursday that Form HC-114 (Pest, Non-Standard) was submitted to the district office following three consecutive days of vending machine reorganisation in the east corridor, the cause of which has been attributed in the form’s Pest Classification field to a party described as ‘small, deliberate, and appeared to be ranking the snacks.’ The form was filed by Principal Carol Dreher. Her office has declined further comment. The district office has confirmed receipt of the form and stated that it is being reviewed through the appropriate channels. It did not specify which channels those are.

The vending machine in question — unit V-7, installed in the east corridor adjacent to the gymnasium — was first reported as reorganised on Monday morning, when custodial staff arrived to find the contents arranged in what one staff member described as a ‘tiered system.’ Flamin’ Hot Cheetos occupied the top row. Nature Valley granola bars had been moved to the bottom. The machine had not been restocked. The internal mechanism showed no sign of tampering. The lock was intact. The coins in the change tray were undisturbed and had been arranged into a small stack.

Community Notice

It wasn’t random. That’s what I keep coming back to. Whatever did this had a clear preference for the Cheetos and an apparent grievance with the granola bars.

— Staff member, name withheld at their request and also at the request of their union representative

The reorganisation recurred Tuesday and again Wednesday, each time reverting to the same configuration. On Wednesday, a second machine — unit V-9, located outside the library — was also found rearranged, consistent with the same apparent ranking system. The library’s motion-activated security camera recorded forty-seven minutes of footage from the relevant period. Thirty-one of those minutes are described by Principal Dreher’s office as ‘not currently available for review.’ The remaining sixteen minutes show an empty hallway.

The Form HC-114: A Review of the Filing

Form HC-114, designated for non-standard pest incidents within Harlan’s Creek Unified School District, was introduced to the district’s administrative framework in 2019 following a separate incident at the elementary school that the district has described only as ‘a facilities matter, now resolved.’ The form contains seventeen fields. Eleven are standard. Fields twelve through seventeen are marked ‘complete only if applicable.’ Dreher’s submission included responses in fields fourteen and sixteen. The contents of field sixteen have not been made available to this network. Field fourteen, which asks the submitting administrator to describe the observed behaviour of the non-standard pest, reads in full: ‘small, deliberate, and appeared to be ranking the snacks.’

The entity’s apparent preference structure is, from a behavioural standpoint, sophisticated. The granola bars being ranked last suggests either a refined palate or a specific prior experience with oats.

— Dr. Amelia Cross, WTC Network Cryptid Biologist

What Students Have Reported

Thirty students reported seeing something near the vending machines across the three-day period. Accounts vary in detail but are consistent in several respects: the figure was small, moved quickly, and in the words of seventh-grader Marcus Tully, ‘seemed really focused, like it knew what it was doing.’ Marcus added that it had ‘good taste, honestly, because the Cheetos are objectively the best ones.’ Marcus was referred to the school counsellor. The counsellor’s notes are covered by student privacy provisions. Principal Dreher confirmed that the counselling session had taken place and that it was ‘a routine follow-up.’ She then looked at the wall for a moment. Then she said the session was routine again. Then she thanked this reporter for their time.

Sandra Okafor, whose daughter attends Harlan’s Creek Middle School, stated that she has seen nothing unusual at the school during any of her three drop-offs this week and that she remains confident in the administration’s handling of the situation. Photographs taken by another parent during Wednesday’s pickup show what appears to be a small figure crouching behind the trophy case approximately six feet from where Sandra Okafor was standing. Sandra Okafor is not looking at it. The figure appears to be looking at Sandra Okafor. This is consistent with previous documented interactions between Ms. Okafor and non-standard entities, all of which this network has covered and none of which Ms. Okafor has acknowledged.

Mayor Robert Pruitt issued a brief statement Thursday afternoon describing Harlan’s Creek as ‘a community that takes its schools seriously and handles challenges with the calm good sense our residents have always demonstrated.’ He said the district was working with appropriate agencies and that he had full confidence in Principal Dreher. He said this in a tone that conveyed full confidence in Principal Dreher. He then asked if there were any other questions. There were. He said he appreciated that and wished this reporter a pleasant afternoon.

The east corridor vending machines have been temporarily taken offline pending assessment. A district spokesperson confirmed that students wishing to purchase snacks may use the cafeteria during regular hours. The cafeteria closes at 2:15pm. The entity’s schedule is not known. The district has asked that students not leave snacks near the vending machines as ‘an inducement or gesture of goodwill,’ noting that this approach was attempted informally by at least one staff member on Tuesday evening and that the results were, in the words of the district spokesperson, ‘not what was hoped for.’ The spokesperson did not elaborate. Authorities continue to urge caution. Reporting continues.