↓ Evelyn’s Response

Deborah, your letter arrived on a week when I had been thinking about exactly this problem — not the Pig-Man specifically, though we will get to him — but the broader issue of what happens when the undocumented becomes documented through no fault of your own. The Ring doorbell is a particular culprit here. It is very good at its job, and its job does not account for the full range of things that might walk past a front garden in Staffordshire at two in the morning.

First, the practical matter: your insurer does not need the full picture, and I mean that in the most literal sense. When they ask you to ‘describe the nature of the wildlife present,’ the correct answer is ‘large, unidentified, and possibly boar-adjacent.’ This is accurate. The Chase has a documented history of unusual animal sightings, and if pressed, ‘suspected feral pig hybrid’ is a phrase that will satisfy a claims assessor far more readily than the truth. Do not send the footage. If they ask for it, cite a technical issue with the cloud backup — these are common, plausible, and impossible for them to verify. As for ‘reasonable steps to deter access’: citronella torches along the garden border and a note that you have ‘taken precautionary measures’ will close that line of inquiry. File the hanging basket claim promptly and do not mention the planters separately. One incident. One claim.