A classic Florida paperwork mixup has left one lycanthrope sitting, staying, and occasionally howling through a six-week basic obedience course in Ocala.

OCALA, FL — It began, as so many Florida stories do, with a misunderstanding at a PetSmart. Sometime last Tuesday evening, a lycanthrope believed to be a male in his mid-to-late transformation cycle wandered into the Ocala East location, apparently drawn by the scent of the bulk rawhide display near the entrance. What followed was a 40-minute interaction with a seasonal associate named Destiny that ended with the werewolf walking out with a complimentary bandana, a starter bag of Blue Buffalo Large Breed kibble, and a confirmed enrollment in the store’s Saturday morning beginner obedience class. Ten witnesses were present. None of them stopped it.

According to Destiny, who asked that her last name be withheld because she is, quote, ‘still processing this emotionally,’ the creature approached the service counter and made what she interpreted as an enthusiastic series of vocalizations. ‘He was really engaged,’ she told me by phone, her voice carrying the particular exhausted calm of someone who has already told this story to police, a manager, and two separate aunts. ‘I asked if he was there about the obedience classes. He kind of barked. I took that as a yes. I ran his paw print through the card reader for the loyalty program and everything.’ The werewolf is now the proud holder of a PetSmart Treats account under the name ‘Mr. Barksdale.’

Community Notice

A Natural Aptitude for ‘Sit’ and ‘Leave It’

What makes this story truly remarkable — even by WTC standards, and I once covered a Mothman who got a real estate license — is that Mr. Barksdale has reportedly been attending the sessions and excelling. Certified dog trainer Hector Ruiz, who leads the Saturday class, confirmed that his newest student has demonstrated an exceptional grasp of basic commands after just three weeks. ‘Honestly? Best recall in the class,’ Ruiz told me, adjusting his safety goggles in a way that suggested they were newly purchased. ‘Sits on command, responds to his name, great leash manners once we moved to the heavy-duty harness. The other dogs are a little distracted by him, but that’s a socialization issue I’ve seen before.’

He aced ‘leave it’ on the first try. I had a golden retriever in the Tuesday class who’s been working on that for four months. I’m not saying anything. I’m just saying.

— Hector Ruiz, Certified Dog Trainer, PetSmart Ocala East

The ‘stay’ problem has emerged as the central complication in what Ruiz diplomatically calls ‘an unconventional enrollment situation.’ During the three non-lunar sessions, Mr. Barksdale reportedly holds the stay position with admirable discipline, making focused eye contact and remaining in a seated posture for up to 90 seconds. But scheduling the graduation ceremony has become logistically fraught given that it falls on a weekend that currently shows a waxing gibbous trending full. Ruiz says he is consulting with PetSmart corporate about whether the standard six-week curriculum can accommodate a lunar variance extension. Corporate has not responded. This tracks.

I’m not going to fail him over one behavior in one very specific astronomical circumstance. That’s not fair to the student. I’ve failed humans for less effort than this.

— Hector Ruiz, Certified Dog Trainer, PetSmart Ocala East

As of press time, the Ocala Police Department has been notified of the situation and has classified it as a ‘non-emergency cryptid interaction,’ which is a real designation they added to their intake forms in 2019 and which I respect them enormously for. Florida Fish and Wildlife has declined to comment, which is their standard response and also frankly their whole personality. Meanwhile, Destiny has submitted a suggestion to HR that the store’s enrollment intake form be updated to include a species field. The suggestion is currently under review. Mr. Barksdale’s next class is this Saturday at 9 a.m. I will be there. I already have my press badge laminated and my noise-canceling earbuds charged. This is the WTC News Network, and I am Mara Vane. Stay, if you can.