Extraterrestrial diplomatic mission threatens to report Earth’s tourism practices to the Galactic Better Business Bureau following what they describe as ‘highway robbery.’

INVERNESS, SCOTLAND — The first official extraterrestrial diplomatic mission to Earth has formally requested an emergency session with the Scottish Parliament after Ambassador Zyx’thala of the Centauri Trade Collective was charged £47 for what witnesses describe as ‘a fairly standard portion of fish and chips’ at MacLeod’s Chippy on Castle Street yesterday evening.

The incident occurred approximately six hours after the ambassador’s ceremonial landing at Inverness Airport, where they had been greeted by Deputy First Minister Kate Forbes and what sources confirm was ‘an optimistic quantity of shortbread.’ The diplomatic party had specifically requested to experience ‘authentic Earth cuisine’ as part of their cultural exchange protocol.

We have conducted extensive research into your planetary pricing structures. A standard fish and chips meal should cost between £8 and £14. This is either criminal fraud or your species has fundamentally misunderstood the concept of hospitality.

— Ambassador Zyx’thala, Centauri Trade Collective

According to the receipt, which has been authenticated by both Police Scotland and the Inverness Chamber of Commerce, the order included one portion of haddock (£18), chips (£12), mushy peas (£8), and what the establishment listed as a ‘Diplomatic Surcharge for Off-World Visitors’ (£9). The ambassador paid with what witnesses describe as ‘a small crystalline device that made the till play the Proclaimers for forty minutes.’

Galactic Complaint Filed

The situation escalated when Ambassador Zyx’thala discovered that the fish and chips shop three doors down was advertising the same meal for £11.50. ‘This suggests systematic exploitation of tourists,’ the ambassador noted in their formal complaint to what they have identified as the Galactic Better Business Bureau, an organisation that multiple government sources confirm ‘does not exist but probably should.’

MacLeod’s Chippy owner Duncan MacLeod defended the pricing structure, explaining that the diplomatic surcharge was ‘standard practice for anyone arriving by spacecraft’ and that the establishment had invested considerable resources in what he described as ‘alien-friendly condiment options.’ When pressed for details, MacLeod confirmed that this consisted primarily of putting the vinegar bottles closer to the salt.

The ambassador has since relocated their diplomatic mission to a Premier Inn in Stirling, where they report being charged ‘reasonable and transparent rates for accommodation that meets interstellar hospitality standards.’ Their formal statement notes that the Premier Inn breakfast buffet represents ‘a more accurate reflection of Earth’s culinary capabilities’ and that the staff ‘did not attempt to charge extra for the black pudding despite its obvious alien origins.’

We came here in peace and good faith, seeking cultural exchange and mutual understanding. Instead, we were presented with what can only be described as tourist trap pricing of astronomical proportions.

— Ambassador Zyx’thala, in statement to media

The Scottish Government has issued a formal apology and established what they describe as an ‘Extraterrestrial Visitor Protection Unit’ within Trading Standards Scotland. Deputy First Minister Forbes confirmed that Ambassador Zyx’thala would receive a full refund, plus complementary tickets to Edinburgh Castle and what sources describe as ‘an educational quantity of tablet.’