What The Cryptid? is an independent paranormal news organisation dedicated to covering the stories other networks won't touch, can't explain, and have occasionally asked us to stop investigating.
We report on cryptid sightings, unexplained disappearances, cursed locations, paranormal weather events, government cover-ups, supernatural household concerns, and creatures that authorities continue to describe as "most likely a bear" despite mounting evidence to the contrary.
We take our work seriously. We ask that you do the same.
The world is stranger than official channels suggest.
Strange lights appear over rural communities and are attributed to weather phenomena that don't quite fit. Livestock vanish from secured enclosures without explanation. Forests develop reputations that nobody in authority will discuss on the record. Perfectly ordinary towns begin avoiding perfectly ordinary roads after dark, and when you ask why, the answers are consistent in ways that are difficult to dismiss and impossible to verify through standard journalistic channels.
What The Cryptid? exists because these stories deserve to be told. Not sensationalised. Not dismissed. Told — carefully, seriously, and with the same commitment to rigorous investigation that any significant ongoing public concern deserves.
We believe the truth is out there. We have considerable evidence that it is also, frequently, in the woods.
We follow the evidence wherever it leads. Occasionally we follow it into a swamp. This has happened more than once and we consider it an occupational reality rather than a methodology problem.
We take witness accounts seriously. All of them. Including the ones that other outlets describe as "colourful" or "difficult to corroborate" or "submitted at 2am with seventeen attachments." We have found, consistently, that the 2am submissions are frequently the most accurate.
We do not accept official explanations uncritically, particularly when those explanations require ignoring a significant quantity of physical evidence, eyewitness testimony, folkloric record, and on at least four documented occasions, whatever is currently happening at Black Hollow.
We follow the story wherever it goes. Sometimes this takes us to restricted areas. Sometimes it takes us to small towns that don't appear on current maps. Sometimes it takes us to the edge of a forest at 2am with inadequate equipment and an intern whose current whereabouts are uncertain. We go anyway. The story doesn't wait for better conditions.
What The Cryptid? is staffed by some of the most committed paranormal journalists currently operating in independent media.
Has been covering strange events since an incident in 2007 he prefers not to discuss. He has not broken character on air in sixteen years. He is not about to start.
Has been connecting dots in the Pacific Northwest for eleven weeks and counting. She has a wall. It has things on it. Authorities are not ruling anything out.
Has been asked to leave more locations than we are able to list here for legal reasons. He has complied with a small number of these requests. He considers the others ongoing assignments.
Manages our viewer correspondence, answers the sightings inbox, and writes the Ask Evelyn paranormal advice column. She has never been visibly surprised by a viewer submission. She would like you to know that most situations are manageable with the right approach, and that lavender helps more than people expect.
Brings academic rigour, emotional intelligence, and genuine folkloric expertise to every investigation. He has won three awards. He carries more notebooks than any one person should reasonably need. He is currently following up on a lead that Rico provided last Tuesday, which we are monitoring with interest.
Covers cryptid tracking, remote field investigations, and survival situations across Australia and internationally. He has checked off Yowie and Bunyip on his field notes list. Giant Squid, Aliens, and Government Agents remain outstanding. He is still looking for a decent coffee.
Arrived at paranormal journalism because she thought cryptids were genuinely interesting and wanted to write about them, which makes her the most straightforwardly motivated person on the team. She writes the network's most-read content, maintains an ongoing correspondence with three individuals claiming to be shapeshifters, and has not ruled any of them out.
Currently listed as missing, which is his most common status. His desk is exactly as he left it. His coffee is, inexplicably, still warm. We expect him back shortly. We think.
What The Cryptid? was founded on the principle that paranormal journalism deserves the same standards, the same commitment, and the same straight face as any other beat.
We have covered Gerald. We have covered the Colder Creek timekeeping irregularity. We have filed reports from locations that were subsequently restricted, investigated incidents that were subsequently classified, and interviewed witnesses who were subsequently unavailable for follow-up in ways that we are still looking into.
We have lost camera operators, equipment, one rental vehicle to circumstances that remain officially unexplained, and, on a recurring basis, our intern.
We are still here. We are still reporting. Authorities continue to urge caution.
We consider that an endorsement.
What The Cryptid? reports what witnesses say, what evidence suggests, and what the available record supports. We distinguish clearly between confirmed events, reported events, and events that Rico Valez has described to us in the field, the last of which we are working to verify independently on an ongoing basis.
We correct errors when they are identified. We update developing stories as new information emerges. We acknowledge uncertainty where it exists, which in this line of work is frequently and extensively.
We do not, however, acknowledge the possibility that none of this is happening. The evidence does not support that position. Neither does the smell.
We read everything. Sightings reports, eyewitness accounts, paranormal household concerns, and questions for the Ask Evelyn column can be directed to our viewer inbox.
If you have seen something you cannot explain, we want to hear from you. If you have evidence, we want to see it.
If you have information about Greg's current whereabouts, please contact the network immediately. He has the keys.
What The Cryptid? News Network (What The Cryptid?) is a satirical publication. All content, reports, investigations, witness accounts, threat assessments, and cryptid-related advisories published on this site are fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual paranormal events, real cryptids, living or deceased entities, government cover-ups, or missing interns is coincidental and cannot be verified at this time.
What The Cryptid? does not endorse trespassing in restricted areas, provoking entities of any classification, feeding or engaging cryptids in enclosed spaces, or offering energy drinks to the deceased. We accept no responsibility for actions taken based on our threat level index, our witness credibility ratings, or advice provided by Evelyn Crowe, however well-intentioned.
The content contained herein constitutes satire and should not be construed as factual reporting of paranormal phenomena, cryptozoological events, unexplained disappearances, or intern-related incidents. What The Cryptid? makes no warranties, expressed or implied, regarding the navigability of forests at 2am, the reliability of folkloric records, or the current whereabouts of Greg.
Greg's employment status remains a matter of internal record. His coffee situation remains unexplained.
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