From conversation killers to accidental summonings, these séance slip-ups could turn your spiritual gathering into a supernatural disaster zone.
Look, we’ve all been there. You’re sitting around a ouija board, the candles are flickering just right, and someone finally makes contact with the other side. Then your friend Kevin opens his mouth and suddenly every spirit in a three-mile radius is either deeply offended or plotting revenge. After consulting with several professional mediums and reviewing incident reports from the past year, we’ve compiled this essential guide to séance conversation etiquette.
Because honestly? The spirit world has feelings too, and some of these mistakes are just plain embarrassing for everyone involved.
The Ultimate Séance Don’ts List
1
“Is This Thing On?” While Tapping the Ouija Board
Spirits aren’t electronics, Karen. They can hear you perfectly fine, and treating their communication method like a broken microphone is incredibly rude. Multiple mediums report that this phrase causes immediate spiritual disconnection, followed by what witnesses describe as ‘cosmic eye-rolling energy.’ Pro tip: If you’re getting responses, it’s working.
2
“Prove You’re Real by Moving Something Heavy”
This is basically asking a guest to rearrange your furniture as a party trick. Most spirits find this request exhausting and frankly beneath their dignity. Medium Sarah Chen notes that entities who comply with these demands are usually the ones you don’t want showing off their strength anyway.
3
“Are You the Ghost of Someone Famous?”
Imagine introducing yourself at a party and immediately being asked if you’re related to anyone important. It’s awkward in life, it’s awkward in death. Plus, according to paranormal researcher Dr. Miles Webb, name-dropping deceased celebrities attracts ‘spiritual catfish’ who pretend to be famous entities for attention.
4
“Can You Help Me Win the Lottery?”
The spirit world is not your personal financial advisor. Witnesses report that this question typically results in either complete silence or responses that roughly translate to supernatural laughter. One medium in Portland mentioned that a particularly sassy spirit once spelled out ‘GET A JOB’ in response to this request.
5
“Why Don’t You Just Move On to the Light?”
This is essentially asking someone why they haven’t gotten over their biggest life issue. It’s deeply personal and often triggers what experts call ‘spiritual trauma dumping.’ Plus, many entities are actually quite happy where they are and find this question presumptuous.
6
“Is Hell Real and How Hot Is It?”
Not only is this question potentially triggering for spirits, but it also tends to attract entities you really don’t want to chat with. Professional medium Rebecca Torres advises keeping theological discussions out of séances entirely, noting that ‘curiosity about the afterlife infrastructure rarely ends well for anyone.’
7
“Can You Scare My Ex for Me?”
Asking spirits to handle your personal drama is both ethically questionable and surprisingly common. Most entities refuse these requests, though some report being genuinely concerned about participants’ relationship patterns. One spirit reportedly spent an entire session trying to convince a participant to seek therapy instead.
8
“Are You Stuck Here Because of Unfinished Business?”
This question assumes every spirit is dealing with some tragic incomplete storyline, when many are simply curious about the living or enjoy the social aspect of communication. It’s like assuming every person at a coffee shop is there because of emotional trauma rather than just wanting coffee.
9
“Can You Possess Someone for Just a Minute?”
Absolutely not. This request violates basic spiritual consent and safety protocols. Medium associations across the country have issued warnings about this particular ask, noting that entities willing to possess people on request are typically not the ones you want sharing headspace with anyone.
10
“If You’re Good, Knock Once. If You’re Evil, Knock Twice.”
Most spirits find this binary classification system hilariously oversimplified. According to paranormal investigator Janet Mills, responses to this question often include ‘confused knocking patterns’ and what can only be described as ‘spiritual exasperation.’ The spirit world, it turns out, is far more nuanced than a simple good-versus-evil framework.
What You Should Say Instead
Successful séance communication relies on basic courtesy and genuine curiosity. Try opening with simple introductions, asking about their experiences, or expressing interest in their perspective on current events. Many spirits appreciate being treated as conversation partners rather than supernatural entertainment systems.
The spirit world has feelings too, and some of these mistakes are just plain embarrassing for everyone involved.
— Penny Hart, WTCNN Features
SÉANCE SAFETY STATS
• 73% of failed séances involve at least one conversation faux pas
• 89% of mediums report that polite spirits give better information
• 42% of supernatural incidents stem from participants asking entities to ‘prove themselves’
• Average séance duration when etiquette is followed: 45 minutes
• Average duration when someone asks about lottery numbers: 12 minutes
Remember, successful supernatural communication is really just good conversation skills applied to a slightly unusual social situation. Treat spirits with the same respect you’d show any new acquaintance, avoid personal questions until you’ve established rapport, and please stop asking them to move heavy furniture around. They’re trying to maintain their dignity here.
“Most spirits find this binary classification system hilariously oversimplified and respond with what can only be described as ‘spiritual exasperation.'”
pennyhart@whatthecryptid.com Penny Hart · Features Writer & Community Content Specialist — WTCNN
