Champlain creature demonstrates both heroic instincts and refined taste in Italian cuisine, according to grateful survivor

BURLINGTON, VT — LATE SEPTEMBER

The man who called the network had, he said, been trying to convince himself it hadn’t happened for six days.

Hoffman, 34, was approximately 200 yards from shore when his vessel overturned during what he described as “completely calm conditions.” Unable to right the kayak and struggling against an unexpected current, Hoffman reported feeling “something large and smooth” gently nudge his capsized craft toward the shoreline.

I felt this massive presence underneath me, but it wasn’t scary at all. More like being helped by a very polite bus.

— Derek Hoffman, rescued kayaker

“I felt this massive presence underneath me, but it wasn’t scary at all,” Hoffman told me three days later, after he had decided the story needed telling. “More like being helped by a very polite bus. When I got to shore and turned around, I saw this enormous head surface briefly, and I swear it nodded at me before disappearing.”

Culinary Diplomacy Established

Determining that a standard thank-you card would be inadequate, Hoffman returned to the lake the following evening with a covered casserole dish containing what he described as his grandmother’s lasagna recipe, which he explained was “the kind of thing you make when words aren’t enough.” The dish was placed on the end of the Burton Island dock with a handwritten note reading “Thank you for the rescue. Hope you like ricotta.”

By morning, both the dish and its contents had vanished, though the casserole pan was found carefully cleaned and stacked with the note, which had been turned over with “YOU’RE WELCOME – C” written in what marine biologists are describing as “unusually neat underwater penmanship.”

Dr. Amelia Cross, the network’s cryptid biologist, noted that the incident represents the first documented case of inter-species culinary exchange on Lake Champlain. “The creature’s selection of ricotta over cottage cheese suggests sophisticated dairy discrimination,” Cross explained. “The pan was returned spotless, which indicates either natural detergent secretion or access to Dawn dish soap.”

The creature’s apparent appreciation for Italian cuisine opens fascinating questions about cryptid palate development and cultural adaptation.

— Dr. Amelia Cross, Network Cryptid Biologist

I have attempted to establish contact with the creature on three separate occasions. Each time, I have left the lake with additional questions and the growing sense that Lake Champlain’s most helpful resident prefers to work without recognition. Hoffman has since upgraded his life jacket. He has also, he told me, begun to think differently about what lives beneath the surface of familiar places.